April 28 . 2005

Tim Foley...Whipped

“I wear the pants around here!” said Tim Foley as he nervously looked around to see if his fiancée was within earshot.  Foley made the bold statement to the only other male, 43-year-old obsessively neat and never married cousin Edward, at Sunday’s bridal shower which happened to coincide with the Titans season opener.

While the Titans were busy losing to the Lookouts, Foley ate finger sandwiches, opened garishly wrapped toasters, and chitchatted with his future in-laws.

“Yeah, it would have been nice to have him here”, said K. C. Lange.  “The Lookouts are a very tough team and I can’t help but think we could have won with him here…he really let us down.”

“My fiancée says I have certain obligations and priorities which will have an impact on our future happiness…and being here at the shower is one of them.”, Foley said.  “I mean, when else am I going to be able to meet her aunt Melba who I paid for to fly in from Sioux City, or her cousin Terry who has been to Decatur FIVE!, count ‘em, FIVE times!, or her step-niece Amy who has six fingers on her left hand, or, or,…oh God! What am I doing?!  Please kill me now!”